tears falling all over again

it's such an usual day. lazy moved my body from the bed, was taking every step i mad even slowly than when i was in vacay, less thought, trying to be relax and enjoyed the live. to conclusion, i was late, kinda normal (for me)

then continued by study, study, study the whole day for almost 10 hours. it's not only study to be honest. study, struggling, fraudulent compete for some, tired, study, struggling, fraudulent compete for some, tired and it spins all over again for ten hours. being teenager is happy-hard.

after 9 hours for study, we did break, the sky became grey, the wind blows cooler and more intensive. perfect weather for cuddle. it was. but everything on my mind cooler than the wind, gry-er than the sky and it was hard thoughts for upcoming 17 years old girl for me. struggled in the middle of busy stuff preparing for final examination and arrangement to get in to state university. but it was.

let's move on. signs for diving rain was came up. i'm happy. I love rain, make me relax and dreaming without nobody looking up and asked why for expression of sad that was coming while you stare at the rain. it's kinda wont for me. and that's just what i did.

stare at the rain for loooong time. if it's enable, i want to walk under the rain and crying so nobody knows that i am really crying. make my own self relieve by falling the tears, as if the problems went away and i'm back to baby feeling, again. like i never make even a fault and smile purely. but, it wasn't. i just seated at the stairs and stare at the rain, trying very hard in order to tears don't fall. but i was failed.

it 's so sad when you know that your bestofbestfriend can't accepted shifting of yourself, never want to talk to you, leaving you behind and he goes ahead and persuade as much people to walking together without inviting you to join him. and the worst is, make a bond kinda bestfriend with someone you won't them to be, like you did with him yesterday right in front of your eyes. laughing, smiling without knowing how much you struggle to kill your own feeling to be with them and trying very hard to survive on your own foot.

and i can't hold it anymore. it's sad to ending senior high school part like this. it's sore something begin happy but ended by sad and tears. hope this will change, soon :')

Natasha

My turn!!

well, it's been a really looong time doesn't post anything here. i'd love to write recently and fold it to a ship. just like Kugy (main character of Perahu Kertas) did. it's such sweet thing to do. and i feel feminine, for sure.

start with... i'm in the last year of senior high school right now AAAAA but yeah. try to pick one of those state university. this is the hardest, not only to choose but to get in there. this is surely determine my future. what kind of job i'll get. will be face national exam soon, too. before these big things come all assignments come coincide, and make me crazy as this goes.

to be honest,  i don't know what's my good at. so, i'll try to do everything sincerely. make myself happy with all those pains happen at school. you know, unstable period in reaching 17.

start today, i wanna be mature without changing who i really am inside. i wanna try the hardest so i'm not gonna regret everything i'll get soon.

this changing be kinda practicing for me. practicing the new life i'll get soon. being far from my parents, my beloved friends, my boyfriend and doing everything by myself. find new friends, try anything new. sounds fun, but will be hard to do, too. i feel it. only 3 months to go or less.

i have to move, if i want to get success. have to face pain first and fall down tears to reach happy. have to outing sweat before could smiles happily. this is rules in the hard world.

doing nothing but sketch

I have no idea what I can do today. But my fingers miss to draw something. So, I make few sketchs. Hope you liked it. It's not perfect. I'm still learning

I do not make any mark in this sketches. so, please do not steal my works. If you want e-mail me!
love, natasha
xoxo

beach or bitch ?!

a couple months ago. my mom, my brothers, my mom's friend and her family and I went to a city and spontaneously touch down at the beach. Luckly, I brought my camera.

these some photos. if you want to see the whole photos just click here!

your comment will make my day.

love, natasha

xoxo 

facial expressions

can you expressing your feeling? are you have porcelain face? are you one of the sufferer of Mobius Syndrome? I have been learned about this at my English course. maybe, you were confuse, we were learned about facial expressions, literally.

We watched the sufferer of Mobius syndrome and Asperger disease? did you ever hear about those words? Mobius syndrome is a syndrome when you can't move your face muscles. You must through muscle transment so you can smile as a normal person. I really sad heard that. If we flashback, we were lucky can smile, laugh, express our feeling normally.
Asperger disease is a disease that someone can't read someone else expressions. based on the movie, he must learned first to know what they're feeling.

we can make this facial expressions. but how with the sufferer of Mobius syndrome? How can the sufferer of Asperger disaster read this expression without any book wrote 'how to read other expression?'

we were smiled when we were happy. when we were in a good mood. I really can't imagine how hard to supressing your feeling. Not because you want, but you can't. I really really wanna cry whether I heard about that more.

white with terror! imagine you were the sufferer, you can't make any facial expressions of fear. What you were doing to asked any help? Yelling? Is it possible?

laugh? How easy? How usually we laugh a day? I laughed all day long, smile tto everyone I knew. I laughed just now. and I knew just know too that out there at the other side of this earth, there's someone can't laugh. Can't read any expressions behind the laughed? the real laughed or the fake laughed.

I just went home after did the English course. we laughed each other, there's always something funny can we laughed. We always laugh each other. As the youngest person at the class, those seniors laughed at me mostly. It's such a beautiful moment. there's much stars at the sky. I loved stars than the moon. maybe, this is the influence of novel 'separuh bintang' (a half of stars), one of my favourite novel.

ps: I was stole all photos at this post on uncle google. I don't take any photos yet. I'll take as soon as possible as long I'm not busy because of school assignment and their stuff.

love, natasha
xoxo

my quiet-busy day

I'm so sorry for not post for a while. but I didn't do it with no reason. I have, of course.
I was really busy. It was the first week at school and the assignment really wow. It looked like the teachers racing who gave the most much assignment. it was crazy and I'm so tired. and now a days I mostly sleepless, I thought I got insomnia. I can't sleep at early time.

This is my second year at Senior High School. I was speechless and afraid. know why? Because I thought that this second year must be hard and I don't know how to through it well. I know what I was thought is false. I don't have any self confidence yet to through this. I always hear that this second year at Senior High School the lesson is sooo hard. at least, that was my cousin said. I don't want to get down like this. So, I wrote this post between my fast and busy time.

 no matter what happen next. I must be stronger and have much self confidence to through this. I can't be lose because of this hard lesson. people can, why I am not.

this is my way to have my self confidence back and stronger and never ever ever get tired to try and through this. you know, I think my self confidence and my energy is back. I don't want to have negative thinking anymore. I must be strong. 

I had a new class and a few new classmates. I haven't know them well yet. But, I try to have a good friendship with them. today, my 2 friend have to moving their class because that was enjoined by the fucking vice headmaster. I don't intentionally to upset with him but all students at my school hate him. Because he rough. really rough and arrogant.
 
before they move, I had perpetuated crazy-weird moment but it doesn't much and fortunately they're not into.

this is some of my friends. there are deddy, aqil (I usually call him babe), and mauni (I usually call her muni) I thought she has a problem, maybe serious problem with her boyfriend, so that's way she looked so sad and frustrated at the  photo.


love, natasha
xoxo

Spending my Bored-Time

a couple days ago, my 2nd brother really noisy to go to Ramayana (I lived in small town and the kitsch place to hangout like a mall is only Ramayana). we had much ticket's zone 2000. really much. we have placed it in the box because of that. That's why my brother forced to went there immediately. even though he was tired and asleep, but imagine that he cans play and change those tickets with games he really wants make him happy and always asked unimportant thing (it was his sign, he was happy then he asked everything).

at first, I won't to went there because that day was the last chapter of my favorite drama. but mom forced me to go. it was okay in the trip. it was night, in the car and I bought my camera. So, I can tried a new tech how to make a bright highlight (I don't know what the name of that effect, actually) which I read on my favorite photographer's blog.

 

what do you think about my artwork? hope you liked it, I'm still learning hehe. 

to short the whole story, I've played some games and suddenly saw the cutest kid (or baby?)

she is cute, isn't she? hehe

so, the good things from the story (you do what you didn't like is) you can did the great things at the same time. did you know what I mean? I bet you not. I didn't want to go to Ramayana, but I can learned to make bright highlight on the photo in the camera and I met the cutest kid (or baby?). that's the example.  

you want to see the whole photos? click :here 

love, natasha

xoxo